The fragility of a smile

I love my niece, she is the first new born baby I ever held in my arms. I watched her grow for at least the first two weeks of her life, and then went back to boarding school. She grew up so fast that by the time I came back three months later; I remember asking my sister “is this the little baby?". Of course she laughed at me. I was 14 years old then probably not quite familiar with child development. One thing remains; I'm always mesmerized by how quickly babies grow. For me that’s one typical example of rapid change. Well, life has a tendency of bringing changes in alternation. Just imagine how quickly a clear blue sky turns into grey or how quickly love turns into hate, and how swiftly a heartwarming smile of a child turns into crying. So fragile are we that every beautiful moment feels like calm before the storm. As you enjoy the bliss of a new pleasure, you realize something ugly is bound to happen sooner or later. "Life is full of ups and downs" the saying goes. As I meditate upon the fragility of my happiness, how things have taken a wrong turn without warning in the past. How as soon as I thought everything was adding up, the confusion stepped in again. I begin to embrace the depth of my emptiness and the bitter truth that I'm forever filled simply to be emptied again. Honestly, as far as life goes, we must come to terms with the fact that we will never fully arrive for we are all continuously trying to figure things out. When the     moment of abundance comes, enjoy the things/people that make you happy without reservation. You never know how long you have. When all the streams dry up and it starts to feel like a desert, hold on to the memories and let them remind you that you are worth of all the good things that you once experienced and even more. Prepare your heart for the walk in the desert. In your season of abundance, fill your soul with God's truth about your life, take pictures, create a memory box and save money or invest you will thank yourself later. If you are to survive you need both psychological and physical nourishment which is a product of your preparation. When seasons change abruptly like they always do, you will have enough armor to go through each passing day with hope. There is no better remedy to prepare yourself for loss, It will always be painful, but a heart filled with hope can help you get back on your feet again sooner. Seasons will come and go, that's a necessity for growth. If you are passing through the dessert, have hope it shall come to pass.

Everyone deserves a Father

As I look back upon my life I imagine what it would be like to have my biological father still alive. For so many years I tried to remember just one moment with him even if it was just a glimpse of his face but to no avail. He passed on when I was three years old, so I guess that explains why I can't remember anything. I know a lot of people with a similar story. They forever imagine what it would be like to have a father. Unfortunately, we can never turn back the clock of time, so we must move forward. We are all consoled with the fact that we have a heavenly father in whom we place our trust in. God deliberately reviled himself as our father to show us how significant that relationship is. By allowing someone on earth to be our earthly father, he has created an opportunity for that individual to be all that he is in earthly form to the ones who call him father. God has made himself the greatest example of what fatherhood really requires. Our society has conditioned us to believe that being fatherless implies having no living father. Sadly, most families suffer the absence of a father not because he is dead or lives away from the family but he is simply not interested in the affairs of the home and the children's upbringing. With the increasing demand for financial stability in a country where most families lack even the most basic needs, men have shifted their focus to making ends meet to the point that there is little or no time left to develop a meaningful relationship with their children. For instance, a child is sent to the most expensive school in town but the father has never seen his son's school work, even once. I believe fatherhood is beyond being a provider. It is about showing our boys what it means to be a man and treating our little girls as the princesses that they are. It's about commitment and love towards the mother of your children, respect for family time and creation of beautiful childhood memories. Every child deserves beautiful childhood memories with their father. My dear friend once told me that the best gift a parent would ever give to their children is to watch them love their spouse. With fathers who refuse to come home early for family time and have numerous excuses on why they can't be there for their child, we are giving birth to a generation whose boys have no idea what being a father truly looks like let alone what being a man is all about. Our girls have never been privileged to be pampered and called beautiful by their father and have no basis to know what they are truly worth and will continuously settle for less than what they deserve. Growing up I had the privilege of having an earthly father, my uncle who made me feel like his own daughter, encouraged me, disciplined me, provided for me and made me feel special. He was a very kind and generous man; he took care of a lot of other people's children. It takes a strong man to take care of his children but it takes a stronger man to take care of another man's child, like his own no matter the circumstances the child lands into his life.

Beyond graduation day

A week ago I was privileged to be featured in a new television programme, called young achievers. I have had my own successes in life and even though I know I haven't reached my highest potential, I feel privileged to have been given an opportunity to share my experiences so far in hope to motivate and encourage other young people. Being a young, independent career women, is such a blessing. I'm so glad to know that I'm able to make a difference in my community and my country. I enjoy having my own home, taking care of those I love and making significant change in my line of work. To be a young achiever is a beautiful experience. I had just turned 23 when I got my first permanent job. So far, experience has taught me a Couple of truths about career achievement that nobody warns you about , I must firstly warn You that everyone has a unique experience .Trust me, the beginning of a fruitful career is not only about having the highest qualifications in the interview room but grace. God's purpose for your life will always prevail. If you think success is about your degree, you will be disappointed. When you are coming from university always know that your degree will take you to places but only wisdom will keep you on the right path .You need to work twice as much to keep a job than an older person performing the same duties.  You are young and people don't trust your capabilities yet. The most likely scenario is that you will change jobs after at least a year. At the beginning of your career, it is mostly about finding a job, any job until you realize you want more than just a pay check. It is very important to reflect on what path you would like to follow, most of our degrees are general, find a specific area that strikes your interest and is the best fit for your personality. Take time to listen to the experienced older colleagues, they have a lot of wisdom to offer, they might be less educated but experience is the best teacher, make friends with them. I personally have experienced stereotypes that I never got the chance to voice out. I'm tired of seeing young professionals being regarded as immature because they are not married yet nor have no children of their own. People are hesitant to give you responsibility outside the home. Some even get passed over a promotion at work simply because people doubt the maturity of single adults. I met a guy earlier on this year, who told me that people doubted his ability to lead the organization as the deputy director just because he was single. This particular stereotype is worse if you work for a religious organization. Honestly, the road doesn't get easier after you graduate; you are more responsible for your actions now than ever before. 

Self- love

Over the years I have learnt to enjoy my own company. I go to places I love, order my favorite meal, drink lemonade and enjoy the background music. I love great company but I can be alone too and have fun. You see, love is a beautiful thing but it can never really be complete if you have not embraced who you are. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Self-love is not equal to selfishness. One must learn what makes them happy before they expect someone else to bring happiness into their life. Most relationships fail because we are forever waiting to be complete through them. The only person that was designed to complete you is Christ, so find him first. Your partner is meant to complement you. You need to fall hopelessly in love with yourself before you let anyone define what love is for you. Work hard to provide for your needs because it is only through your ability to take care of yourself that taking care of others overflows. The reason I love myself is not because I'm selfish but I have learnt the hard way that putting your happiness in the custody of another human being is not a good idea. Calm my heart Lord, for it is deceitful and is always getting me in trouble, my daily prayer. The heart never chooses who to love so guard my heart that it does not land in the wrong place. Well love might or might not exist where you think it absolutely should be. It is also important to note that your love for anyone might not necessarily mean you must stay with them. There is nothing wrong with loving someone but turning anyone into an idol is not acceptable to God. We believe love is worth fighting for so we stay in the company of those who hurt us. Well if love for another is love for ourselves overflowing then being alone is better than being with the wrong company. Always remember you cannot make anyone love you and neither do you need a miracle to make love work for it is natural energy. Unfortunately when we love someone we automatically switch to thinking we cannot live without them. Mostly we have reduced love to a mare product of our imagination and society expectation. We mostly see what we have been fed by society as the ideal love story. "And they lived happily ever after ". So we stick to the miserable thereafter as long as it is an ever after. The ideal love story of acceptance, forgiveness is more beautiful if you are not in love alone. So I say if he/she doesn't love you back, run!!! True love comes when it wants to. Maybe love is not meant for the selfish, faint hearted; maybe the foolishness of love is quite often in the one experiencing it. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with being alone but there is everything wrong with being lonely.

Time will tell

Never get a pet if you know you don't have the time and resources to take care of it, my mother told me. The basic principle in life is to understand one's capabilities and limitations at a specific moment /season in one's life. Take note money and time both apply. It is rather strange that man is constantly placing himself in situations which would have been avoided just by simply applying this basic principle. I am not saying you shouldn't be ambitious or have dreams but rather face reality with an awakened mind. Never walk while you are still stuck in your slumber, you will hit a wall. Always take calculated risk. If you keep accumulating debt (loans you aren't able to pay) just know you are living beyond your capacity. Notice I have said debt, smart people get loans to invest, and average people get loans to travel or host a party without a plan on how they will return the money. Don't buy a car if you won't be able to maintain it. Young men, don't ask a woman to marry you if you can't manage your responsibility or do not have a proper direction for your life. Never rush into a new relationship if you are not over your ex or haven't reaffirmed your self -worth. You will never be whole if you don't give yourself time to heal, time to grow, time to learn. Remember life is a process, so take as much time as you need to become a better you.  Laws of nature, constantly remind us of stages we must go through, a toddler crawls before it can walk. Why are we in a hurry to live a lifestyle we aren’t ready for? Trust me, I know the struggle. The pressure you get from your pride, family and friends to portray a certain status or class that you are not ready for. Remember nobody forces the caterpillar to turn into a butterfly. It is only the butterfly that recognizes when time is due.

Tale of an incredible woman

The past few days have been amazing, sweet memorable moments. However, as I begin to write a recount of my most recent endeavor, my heart is filled with joy and my eyes with tears. As I travel back on this road at least 4hours away from my home, I’m taken aback by how much these days have flown by. I embarked on a journey to see my two mums, yes you heard me right, my two mums. I am so blessed to have two incredible women, call me their very own daughter. One is my biological mother and the other raised me from the age of two. They are both my mothers. For many Years I tried to answer the question who is your real mother both from others and within me. It was a dark time of self- discovery and mostly denial for the complexity of this situation. I for a long time tried to create an equal relationship with both. I must say that proved impossible as you might have already guessed. Now that I'm 26 and ready to have my own kids, I have made peace with myself. I know everyone has their own opinions on who is deserving of being called my mother. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have an equal relationship with both. I have made peace with loving these women with all the love I have inside me. I have discovered that it is a beautiful blessing to have two mothers and especially to have both alive at this age is a humbling gift. So this weekend was spent with my dear mother (the one who raised me). She is a true example of what true sacrifice and faith in God looks like. She has taught me about love, sacrifice, commitment and faith like no other I have seen. My mother had a stroke 9 years ago that has left her on a wheelchair for all these years. It has been hard for me to keep my eyes on Jesus when I have prayed every night for her healing and the heavens stayed deeply silent. I always asked God why he would let her suffer like this after all she has done for him. But surprisingly God has blessed her with So much more than people who think are better off than her will ever comprehend, Joy. Every time, I spend some time with her I’m never the same. She is genuinely interested in what's going on in my life, always asking me about work. She always says "Ndikuthokoza mulungu akundisunga "I thank God for keeping me". She has never complained or shown any resentment. God has given her deep peace and joy like no other. When I spend time with her, I remind her of the happy stories that happened during my childhood. Memories of my childhood Would never be the same without her in the picture.  I thank God for her. She gives me strength to carry on. She is my No1 fun and I will always be her little baby.

Deepest desire-26 today

Over the past three years, I have worked 4 different jobs, lived in 4 different cities, visited 3 countries and went through other numerous life changes. In my life I have changed cities and schools every two years with an exception of college. I consequently have lost friends, started over too many times than I can remember. Some changes were truly out of choice but mostly circumstances changed in a blink of an eye and there was no escape but to deal with the change. My life has been full of uncertainty to the point that I wonder if anything is ever here to stay. Hence my deepest desire is for the uncertainty to settle. I yearn for the day when I will be sure of where I will spend my next birthday, my next Christmas at. In this moment of unknowing, I surrender my heart to the Lord. I need calmness in this never ending storm. All I need is just three sold years where I can have a reverse of the above maybe except visiting places for fun and not moving out of my home. I have learnt to say goodbye, I want to learn to hold on. To stay, to feel, to experience, to belong.......